there she goes again...

a change gon' come

2012-01-04T11:36:00.001-05:00

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

yeah, i know that it's already 4 days into the new year so my proclamation seems late but it's never too late to make a change. a change is coming for this blog. a new name and theme with corresponding tumblr page are in the works so stay tuned.

the boys all pause

2011-10-23T22:20:00.000-04:00

what i wrote back then (june 2010): the twittersphere was all...a-twitter after this week's episode of the boondocks aired. aaron mcgruder's satirization of tyler perry was hilarious and blatant. but some people were turned off by what was perceived as homophobia. if all you heard was riley punctuating sentences with "no homo" or if you felt queasy because grand-dad didn't want to kiss winston jerome, i can kind of see where you're coming from but then that means that you missed the point. i'm not going to proclaim that i know what aaron mcgruder was thinking but here is what i had to say in response to a question posed about tyler being "publicly outed" over at parlour magazine.

tyler perry outs himself every time he dons the madea get-up. i had refrained from joining the debate on twitter because let’s face it, debating within 140 characters is limiting & frustrating and it’s so easy to be misconstrued. anyway, i loved that episode. contrary to some people’s belief that it was homophobic, i think that the denial of any homosexual tendencies is self-hating and in a way, homophobic.

but that’s not even why i don’t like tyler perry. aside from the same story line that seems to run through everything he does (can you grow/expand some?), i’m offended by his caricature of black women. yes, the most obvious caricature is madea (i don’t know why people still think men dressing up as women is still funny. and why couldn’t he get a black woman to play the matriarch?!) but all of the 1.5 dimensional women fall into the 3 stereotypes of black women – the mammy (sheila/jill scott), sapphire (angela/tasha smith) and the jezebel (trina/denise boutte). these characters are from “why did i get married?” but they are reoccurring in almost all of perry’s works.

rants aside, i am still optimistic about “for colored girls…” because he is just producing it. the story is already written and he would be hard pressed to twist shange’s vision.

now: umm. what can i say that hasn't already been said? i plead the 5th.

the writing's on the wall continued

2011-10-23T21:44:00.000-04:00

i haven't posted in over a year and a half. so much has happened during that time. so much - i changed jobs like 3 times all within the same company. i had to close a program down and lay off staff in this terrible economy again, all while my family was experiencing economic troubles. i was diagnosed with hypertension (like really dangerous hypertension - 192/115) and i found out that i was pregnant. pregnant and almost 40.

i've wanted to blog but either i was torn about how much to share with the internets or i just didn't have enough energy. of course i've been reading blogs (mostly about fashion) and leaving comments but that was easy. it wasn't an emotional task for me. each day that i would click on blogger to catch up on the latest trends and who's wearing what, i would feel a little twinge of guilt that i wasn't not putting any energy into what i claimed to love. i wished that i could express my passion like my favorite bloggers.

a few days ago, one of the fashion bloggers that i just started following left a comment on one of my posts, the first "writing's on the wall" post. her willingness to share such intimate parts of her life on my blog touched me. it forced me to respond and so here i am.

@ Style4Curves, i am so sorry for your losses. i know that this sounds cliche, but maybe it wasn't your time. as a fellow chronic planner, i had to learn the hard way several times. i had planned almost every step of my life with at least three contingency plans for each step. so of course, i stressed over every detail and even more when things didn't go as planned. this high level of stress eventually contributed to hypertension, which unfortunately i ignored because i had too many other things to worry about. (it's funny how we pick and choose which signs we pay attention to.) that diagnosis was one of the wall writings that i chose to ignore. (isn't is also funny how the writing doesn't disappear simply because we ignore it? we keep going through the same trial, remixed but the same, until we learn the lesson we're supposed to learn.) one of the most recent times found me on a hospital bed for the third time during my last pregnancy, being told that my hypertension might kill my unborn baby or me or both of us. that is actually a legitimate reason to worry but it was a catch 22. worry and jeopardize my life and pregnancy or let go and let whatever was going to happen happen. "let go and let God." "whatever will be, will be." pick a cliche but know that it wasn't easy either way. i had to be reminded that everything has it's own time and order and that sometimes, the order of things is not going to be clear to me. i had to learn to trust - trust myself to know that i am resourceful and resilient enough to be ok no matter what happened and trust that the powers that be/my higher power/God had a plan for me. that plan is still unfolding for me and it hasn't been all happily ever after but i am happy.

now back to you, maybe it wasn't your time. maybe planning everything is affecting your health and in turn your reproductive health. i don't know. i don't even know enough to say that if you stop wanting it so much that it will happen. what i do know is that you have to learn to be ok regardless. look at other ways to utilize your maternal energy. motherhood is not simply giving birth to a child. there are thousands of children that need a mother. look into being a foster or an adoptive parent. explore being a mentor. use this time to write more (yes, i am THE black pot talking to the kettle) and research ways to make money so that you don't have to be a starving artist. take this time to step back and look at the writing on your wall from every angle. what themes have been reoccurring in your life? as i type this advice to you, i am asking myself the same questions. but your comment, the literal writing on the wall, has told me that i need to get back to writing. it's also encouraging me to start studying for my licensing exam so i can charge for my counseling services (see, a way to make money with my dreams). thank you for sharing with me and thank you for getting me to look up again at the writing on my wall.

the writing's on the wall...

2010-05-10T13:04:00.000-04:00

i see patterns clearly. those random occurrences that some consider coincidences, i see as everyday miracles, works of fate. i look forward to seeing them. in fact, i look for them. it's like i'm looking for reassurance that i'm on the right path, that i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing. some pray for signs. i don't. honestly, i haven't prayed for much lately, other than strength. i just look around and smile when i see the pattern. the random occurrences. the everyday miracles. the writing on the wall. or in this case, the writing on the screen.

i had been putting off resetting my password for one of the several systems i use at work for almost two weeks now. i like my current password. it's cute and easy for me to remember and that's very important since i have at least 8 passwords to remember for work. so today when i tried to log in and couldn't after several tries, i knew that i had to finally get a new one. boo. anyway, i called the helpdesk and was given my new password. AUTHOR. the writing on the screen, the random password selection had chosen AUTHOR as my new password. is it a sign that i should write more and realize my dream to become an author? that's how i'm taking it. what's the writing on the wall telling you?

getting out and taking a chance...

2010-05-03T11:47:00.006-04:00

last night, the air was thick and heavy with possibilities. it felt like anything could happen and i wanted to be off my block when it did. it started with a trip to barnes & nobles and then a stroll across atlantic ave. on court street. i had never been on court st. on that side of the avenue, over there by trader joe's. before that trader joe's opened, it always seemed like there was an invisible wall or some kind of spell that made you not even interested enough to look down that way. i don't know what made us look over there last night but we did. maybe it was how the lights were twinkling. i do recall how movie set clean the block looked. anyway, it took forever to cross atlantic but when we did, it was if the veil had been lifted. there was a steady flow of traffic in and out of trader joe's but it thinned out as we went down the block. after wading through all of the hemp totebags and scooters, we encountered the standard fare - trendy boutiques and restaurants, world of bennetton crews, baby strollers and hyperactive mini dogs. ahh, park slope. nothing new but it was a welcomed break from our block. weeksville, that historical slice of brooklyn on the border of bed-stuy and crown heights that no-one seems to know or remember anymore, is rough. in fact, we walked by 2 curb barbecues, the beginnings of a drunken serenade, and two soused old men scheming on how they were gonna get their next king cobra (that's malt liquor, y'all) on our way to the train station. anyway, we just missed a wine tasting at the brooklyn wine exchange but we picked up a garnacha bielsa (red for him) and a quattro mani toh-kai (white for me). how bourgie of us, lol.

court street was nice but we turned down bergen to get to smith street. after walking down several blocks and checking out several menus, we decided on this cute asian restaurant on the corner with outdoor seating. chance asian bistro on smith and butler is now officially my new favorite restaurant. my boyfriend buddha had a prix fixe dinner with wasabi lobster tempura as an appetizer, filet mignon for the entree and coconut mille crepes for dessert with a sangria. i also had a prix fixe dinner but i had the jalapeno calamari, crispy tropical chicken in a warm pickled ginger sauce and the yamamomo (japanese plum) creme brulee with a nigori sake berry martini. we also each had an extra appetizer. i had the spicy thai mussels and he had the steamed chicken shu mai dim sum and the deep-fried shrimp wontons. sounds like a lot of food, right? it wasn't. the portions were just right. the food was well-seasoned. the flavors were distinct and not muddled. i could identify the ginger, scallions, coconut milk and the red curry paste in the broth for my mussels. that broth was so good that we both spooned some over our jasmine rice. everything was delicious. everything! i had no complaints. at. all. the food was orgasmic and the restaurant itself was modern and sexy. we had already started planning our next visit before we had even finished our appetizers. sigh.

the night continued with us watching our DVRd sunday line-up. FOX aired one of the most uncomfortable hour long family guy specials ever. i still love them but last night's episode was just crazily inappropriate. talk about pregnant pauses and awkward laughs. i guess it prepared us for the season premiere of the boondocks. that shit right there...man, listen. i'll have to dedicate a separate post for that later. i'm still processing everything i saw and heard. i will say, like i said on twitter (follow me @ashaknows), that someone needs to write their thesis on uncle ruckus in "post-racial" america and entitle it "a splish-splash of irish". ha! anyway, the night ended with a lightening show and a relatively quick steady rain. i thought the rain would break the humidity but the air was just as charged when i woke up this morning. hmmm, i wonder what else this week will bring. i don't know but i'm willing to take a chance and find out.

2010-04-25T15:59:00.004-04:00

hey. i wish i could come up with a witty greeting to welcome you back or to reintroduce myself but all i can seem to manage is a simple "hey". it's been too long, people. almost a year. and what has been keeping me away? well, everything and nothing. so much has happened over the past several months that i should have written at least two books but it has been hell trying to process the experience in a way that i could get it down on paper (or in this case, ready to post). while sometimes the words don't fit in my mouth, lately it seems as if words were too weak to define...wait, i'm getting caught up in jessica care moore and the purple one's lyrics. you get the point though.

at times, there was so much going on that the most natural way to cope would have been to write but i couldn't seem to focus the swarm of emotion into coherent words. wordplay turned to a battle of words that wore on my nervous system, causing tension headaches verging on migraines. i know my blood pressure is elevated and what that could mean and so, that becomes yet another thing to worry about. calm on the surface but throbbing, pulsating, crashing waves beneath. i know i needed a release and soon or else i was liable to implode or explode and God help the innocent bystanders.

so here i am, a bubbling cauldron of ___________waiting to be stirred lest i boil over and scauld someone. if you're reading this, i assume that you're ready for the journey and wherever it may lead so lift the lid and let's get this going.

p.s. please leave comments so i know that you're there.

to all the men that i've ever loved...

2009-06-21T13:08:00.004-04:00

if i've ever made you feel like you had to make up for the sins of my father, i apologize.

Can I talk to you, baby

When I was a little girl
I didn't have a father
And that's why I'm leaning on you..
When I was a baby
I didn't get a hug from daddy
That's why I need a hug from you..

Ohh, It's not easy and
I thank you for putting up with me
When you don't have a daddy's love

To say that you...
To say that I'm your little girl
(Are his little girl, Oh why didn't you love me)
And give you the love..(I need love yeah yeah yeah)
you really deserve (And i believe I deserve it And that's why

[chorus]
That's why I need, The father in you
(I need the father in you, baby)
That's why I need, (Please don't hurt me please)
The father in you
That's why I need (Oh that's why)
The father in you (Really need you)
That's why I need (Please be true)
The father in you

Oh, things got bad, to the point
Where mommy couldn't hold us down
And that's when it hurt me so much
To see her, To see her cry
(Oh don't cry, momma don't cry momma)
Each and every night
(We're gonna be alright that's what I used to say)
I said that some day
That I would try to take his place
But it was too hard;
It was so hard trying to be a man and a woman
And that's why I need the father in you

[chorus]
That's why I need, (oh I needed)
The father in you, (I put my trust on you)
That's why I need, (Please don't let me domn)
The father in you.
That's why I need,
The father in you (I need the father in you)
That's why I need (Hold my hand)
The father in you

[Breakdown]

Because we never had one at home
(No No No) As a little girl...
So I understand, why daddy couldn't be there
Cause it's so obvious nobody taught him, how to be father to me
Oh and I'm not sayin this
to reminisce on the past
I'm just saying this to make you understand, That I needed a father
And this is my problem
This is why I couldn't keep no one
This is why I couldn't stay alone
I was so scared alone
Every woman needs a man
And I don't think she understands
That she really needs a father
The father in you, my brother
She really needed the father
The father in you.
When your wife is speaking fellas
Pay attention,Yeah,don't ignore her
No,no,no I really need the father in you.
- MJB "Father in You"

i love mary, god knows i do. she's the truth and she usually tells the truth. but i don't want my lover to be my daddy. i want joe, the man that my mother used to love, to be my daddy. fortunately, he's still alive so i have an opportunity to build some kind of relationship with him. i've started and stopped but i need to be more consistent. i called him today (i usually call him on his birthday too). i stumbled over how to greet him and how to identify myself but settled on calling him daddy and referring to myself as "norma's kim". [sidenote: i have several half siblings and share the same first name (and middle initial i believe) as one of my older sisters and one of her daughters. maybe that's one of the reasons why i don't like to be called kim. hmmm...]

i have no poetic prose or jokes today. simply this...men, be a father to your children. women, don't get in the way. children, know that someone loves you. their title does not matter.

when a woman's fed up...

2009-05-20T13:21:00.002-04:00

"Wife, 78, allegedly beats man over old affair". Read the article here.

my friend tui shared this story on facebook. i'll admit it. i laughed a little when i read the headline. but after drafting this post, i realized that it's not as funny as i thought. it's actually kinda sad. this woman held onto her suspicions which obviously caused bitterness and resentment (to say the least) for 35 years. 35 years!!! 35 YEARS!!! i know that she comes from that "stand by your man" and "do it for the kids" generation but damn. 35 YEARS?!?!?!?! how many times could she have started over in 35 years? how many opportunities did she miss because she was holding on to her cheating man? i can't even imagine how angry she must've felt when she realized that she had wasted 35 years. well, i guess that was the reason for the assault. (side note: i am happy that she even had the strength to do the damage she did) i do not advocate violence and there were so many other things she could have done in 35 years but i hope she can get out of jail soon.

thanks: msnbc via tui and facebook

i got you stuck off the realness...

2009-04-17T15:38:00.006-04:00

the single girl over at parlour magazine had me rollin' yesterday with her post, entitled "dickmatized". it's a mouthful, isn't it? ha!

While women have proven to be strong, leaders and rationale all coolness escapes once they’ve been turned out by a man who has managed to eff them so good they start to lose brain cells.

Cleopatra killed herself.

Monica Lewinsky kept a souvenir.

The Astronaut bitch drove for hours and pissed in diapers.

Lauyrn Hill…need I say more?

And the newest attention to the juicy got ‘em crazy crew is…Cassie.

single girl proceeded to share a story about a friend of hers who engaged in one of those high-speed "follow that car/cab" chases. all to give some guy who didn't seem that pressed a g'damn birthday cake. yes, it was funny but i'm pretty sure we could all remember a time when we acted a fool for that significant (or insignificant) other. so i said...

loved, Loved, LOVED this post, single girl. you had me literally LOL and nodding in agreement, as i remembered being under the spell myself. i’m happily in recovery but i know that relapse is possible. can i use your phrase?

most of the commenters were in agreement but one, in my opinion, took it a litte more seriously and gave me reason to pause.

Sorry, but this sounds like a bunch of young chicks that have not learned their true sexuality. How the hell do you let six to nine inches of temporary satisfaction make you shave your head, run after a man or piss in your pants?
Once women learn the power of the VULVA they will control their own minds…

and ya know? for the most part, i agree. but someone's game is always gonna better than yours and you may get caught slippin'. it happens to the best of us. it happened to me. not on some page 6 worthy level but i was out there nonetheless, acting a fool in ways that i can't bring myself to share right now. but, i recovered and learned valuable lessons. one of which was to remember the power of the almighty P. another lesson was to never settle. if you've been settling for Cs and someone hits you with a B+, chances are that you may get dickmatized, if only for a while.

thanks: the single girl, parlour magazine

oh no he didn't!

2009-03-27T12:17:00.004-04:00

i really shouldn't admit to this but i log into my e-mail and onto facebook as soon as i get to work. the mobile version is good when i'm on the go but if i have access to a full screen, i want the full-on experience, even if i'm at work. yeah, i know, trifling. i have a set list of sites and blogs that i read as i sip my morning bustelo. yesterday, i hadn't even gotten to said list because a headline on facebook grabbed my attention. it read, "if you're a big girl, changes are you're a slut!" WTF?! no, but seriously, WTF?!?! i immediately raced to parlour magazine's site and didn't even bother continue reading on facebook. my government is on facebook and i wasn't sure if i would mind my manners when i commented.

"...Fat girls’ self-esteem is so low that 99% of them will let a dude go raw, take it in every hole and not complain too much cause they don’t want to lose who they think is their man.”
“Fat girls have nothing to loose. They want the attention of a man bad enough that they will sell themselves short.”
"...I think all women are nasty. Especially fat ones. They are all sluts.”

wow. WOW! check out the whole article here. the author, the single girl, seems to be agasp too but it led her to dig deeper. now i understand that topics are posted to generate discussion but i was so taken aback that i had to catch my breath. if you know me, you know that i am not a small woman by any means. i am about 5'7"/5'8" which is a little above average and buxom to say the least. i've been called thick, full-bodied, "big gal", voluptuous and "brickhouse". i'm pretty sure there were more names but i usually leave 'em floating on the wind while i keep it moving. although most of my friends don't consider me a bbw, i am also not a size 10. i'm somewhere comfortably in between at a size 14/16. comfortable for me, most days. but i always rep for the big girls so after i gathered my wits and calmed down, i responded.

"...yeah, i’ve heard this before. just like i heard this about dark-skin
girls. or girls without daddies. or girls who feel they have too much or too
little of whatever. women with low self-esteem will accept all kinds of trifling
behavior. the thing is all plus sized women do not have low self-esteem.
however, society tries to get women to believe that they should feel bad about
themselves if they are not a size 6. just like you should feel bad if you can’t
be described as honey brown or didn’t grow up with your father or live in the
hood (like any of these things are your fault). and even when we know better,
that concept gets perpetuated in how we interact with each other. that
dark-skinned, chubby girl named shaqueda gets treated like a statistic, even
before she makes the mistakes that lead to high-risk status.
you questioned whether a woman’s weight was related to her feelings of self-value. well, of course it is but it’s not the same for everyone. i don’t know about you but if
i’m not feeling how i look, i’m not really in the mood to be touched. and not
everyone overeats when they’re feeling depressed or whatever. some don’t eat at
all. so, are there conversations going on about slutty anoxeric women?! the
whole conversation just reeks of misogyny. (sidenote: some gay men are more
misogynistic than straight men…out of envy, i think. i would take everything he
said about women with a grain of salt.) if the roommate was slim, would the
slutty behavior still be such a problem? weight is just another excuse to treat
women poorly."

so much more needs to be said but i didn't want to blog in someone else's shit so i brought it here to TGOTG. what say you?

thanks: parlour magazine

moving weight to pushing paper...

2009-03-19T22:04:00.005-04:00

ok fam, "stringer bell" has a legitimate 9 to 5 now. my favorite brit, idris elba, has now joined the cast of the office. if you're not already watching this show, add it to your dvr list. it's so f'in funny without any of that corny-ass laugh track. check it out if for no other reason than to see idris clean shaven in a suit...and off the block.

thanks: nbc, wireimage

kiss from a rose...

2009-03-05T10:19:00.006-05:00

i'd like to say that i haven't been alright because of the state of the country and the economy, how i've been feeling like i'm hanging onto my job by a thread, etc. but that wouldn't be totally true and i can't lie...anymore. for reasons too numerous to go through now, i can just simply say that i have not been alright for a while now.

things really started to unravel during the last few months of my grandmother's life. it was all so touch and go for almost a year. i'd tried to prepare myself but you're never really ready for the day. i watched the strongest, most active, independent and industrious woman, person i knew, decline to the point of being confined to a bed and unable to speak. my heart would break daily for her. when i was alone, i allowed myself time to grieve selfishly. my grandmother raised me. she loved me in her own way and taught me all she knew so i'd become strong and self-reliant. up until then, i thought i had been a good student but secretly i wondered if her lessons would be enough without her there. after she passed away, i held up and carried on my daily routines. i had to. but as time when on, what i realized as my facade started to crack. to the untrained eye, i was multi-tasking as usual. but i'd become unorganized and lost. i honestly don't know if it was pride or the bitter thought that no-one would or could be there for me, no matter how many times i had come through for them, but i kept everything to myself. it oozed out at times, creating waves in the otherwise calm with my boyfriend, straining an already tentative relationship with my son's father and causing me to withdraw from my family and friends. then at my lowest points, i eventually reached out for help but in most cases, it was what i feared. most people don't really know how to help the helper. so i went back to doing what i used to do best - managing with whatever i had, not allowing myself to want more or expect anything, making myself as small and unobtrusive as possible, hoping that drama would pass me by.

i continued to try to do as i had been raised but usually wound up doing whatever would get me by. i used most, if not all of my resources until i felt like i was running on fumes. i had been running on empty for so long that it didn't take much to throw me. i only managed to pull myself out long enough to go to work with a semblance of a smile and not scream on my staff. i took care of my son but often pulled away from him because i felt guilty that i couldn't do more for him. i engaged in a dangerous push-pull with my boyfriend, everyday wondering if this would be the day i succeeded in pushing him away.

i was a mess. i am a mess, alternating between spinning out of control and paralyzing myself with fear and doubt. but today, i was stopped by a smile. an older woman, dressed in all white and carrying a walking stick, told me that god told her to tell me that everything will be alright. she was not one of the people i regularly pass by my job. i don't recall riding the train or bus with her. she wasn't one of my former clients and i don't think she attends my agency's senior center. in fact, she said that she had never seen me before and probably wouldn't again but she wanted to let me know that she loved me and that everything would be ok. her name was rosalee. my grandmother's nickname was rose.

and i'm back...

2009-02-24T12:38:00.005-05:00

hey fam. i know most of you have been wondering where i've been. you haven't seen me at that afterwork event and i haven't made it to any of the girls' nights out this season. no calls, IMs or texts. you haven't even really seen me online. no facebook updates, no blogs and very few comments. well fam, it's been a little crazier than usual over the past few months and it seems like it may get a little bit rougher before it's all done.

if you don't remember, i work in social services. i supervise a team of social workers who provide services to families in crisis in east harlem to help keep their children safe at home. anyway, i was informed this past friday that my unit, along with two others at another site, will be closed, as of 6/30/09. details were sketchy and we were invited to a Q&A on monday. well, monday dealt us another blow. we were told that our units may be closing sooner than 6/30. of course, the administrators extended their condolences and expressed their frustrations with "the system" but at the end of the day, we're still out of a job in a few months.

the news really wasn't a surprise to me, given the state of the economy and how that affects the budget for social services but moreso because i had been fighting what seemed on most days to be a losing battle to improve the quality of work my unit produces. i was not surprised and honestly, when the word came down, i was somewhat relieved. a weight was lifted from my shoulders and i was allowed to think about developing my consultant business. i will still put my resume out there but i can't see myself working for someone else much longer. i'm looking to the entrepreneurs in my family (mother nature's belly) and among my friends (guess who's coming to cook corp., belle noir magazine, at least two hairstylists, one fashion stylist, a few publishers writers - congrats to ab on her latest book, and that intrepid screenplay writer out there in hollywood) for inspiration.

i'm fleshing out a few ideas and reality-testing a few others so stay tuned for news about my consultant business and the services i will be providing. in the meantime, if you hear of a job that you think i'd be interested in, please share. if you'd like to see my resume so that you will be more familiar with my work history, i'll gladly send you a copy.

thanks for checking on me when i was M.I.A. thanks for helping me see the silver lining and encouraging me to push forward through the drama toward my goals. thanks for reminding me that i'm a survivor and that i will get through this.

to all my ladies...

2008-11-18T13:10:00.003-05:00

early to rise, early to bed.
in and between i cooked and cleaned and went out of my head.
going through life with blinders on, it's tough to see.
i had to get up, get out from under and look for me.

i used to be sad, i used to be shy
funniest thing, the saddest part is I never knew why...
kickin' myself for nothin' was my favorite sport
i had to take off, start enjoyin' 'cause life's too short

there's a new girl in town, 'cause I'm feelin good.
get a smile, get a song, for the neighborhood
things are great when you stand on your own two feet
and this girl's here to say
with some luck and love life's gonna be
so sweeeeeeeeeet!
"there's a new girl in town" (alice theme song - season 1 - 9)

i know all us ladies have felt like alice before. this is for us.

it's that nu-nu (but sounds old) ish...

2008-11-17T16:32:00.004-05:00

it's getting cold outside and what better way to warm up than laying up with that special someone and listening to some smoky soul music. check out the revelations ft. tre williams.

the revelations ft. tre williams will be at bushbaby out in brooklyn tomorrow night at 8pm. and the show is FREE! will i see you there?

thank you: myspace, soul bounce

and yes, i know. he sounds like anthony hamilton. but that's all soul, not memorex.

stop it. you're making me blush.

2008-11-06T12:42:00.006-05:00

Fashionistas, Divas, Divos, Fellas with swagger, and Chicas with bad-ass shoes...
join Girlfriends Get-Together in celebrating the premiere of

featuring make-up artist extraordinaire Rainell Chivonne

This is an after-work, networking affair and together we'll watch the debut of "Blush" as it airs on Lifetime Television at 10:00PM.

EVENT DETAILS
When: Tuesday, November 11

Time: 7:00PM

Location: The Hill, 416 3rd Ave. (Bet. 29th & 30th st.)

RSVP: RSVP@tinaleemedia.com

check rainell out on her myspace page. yet another fly and fabulous brooklyn chick! come to the launch party, watch the show and show some bk love.

what do you get when you cross a basketball mom and a pitbull?

2008-10-31T12:22:00.004-04:00

"well, one's a real tough bitch and the other got michael vick in trouble!" - black sarah palin

ok, i'm kinda done with this whole race for the presidency but you can never get enough palin jokes. here's today's funny one.

thanks blackplanet.

2008-10-29T12:48:00.006-04:00

if you're an anglophile, you will love the upcoming target first saturday at the brooklyn museum. london calling will bring a documentary about election day, a film about an interracial, same-sex couple's struggle for love and success in england, as well as, singing sculptures and electronica pop performances by british artists, and the famous dance party to Brit pop, northern soul, new wave, beat, and British indie music. sounds like fun. you can really get into the spirit of things if you show up in an a-line mini-dress, colorful tights, cute flats or platforms and a fabulous modern bob. how mod! since this will be on nov. 1st. and halloween will be over, i don't wanna see any amy winehouse costumes. please, please leave the beehives & crackpipes at home, lol.

and after, if you're still jonesin' for something brit, hit the theater to see rockNrolla (although the reviews haven't been that great, my movie crush idris elba is in it!) or go home to enjoy snatch or lock, stock and two smoking barrels (i LUV these movies!)

eating out...

2008-10-24T14:15:00.008-04:00

"I know you love me like cooked food"
- Jay-Z - Song Cry

"Made me some breakfast, toast, two scrambled eggs, grits..."
- Jill Scott - The Way

if you like to grub and lounge with the fabulous brooklyn crowd, make sure you RSVP for brunch at harriet's.

thanks to: clutch magazine, harriet's alter ego and the minority report.

ode to obama...

2008-10-16T16:46:00.007-04:00

i love this!

"hosanna, obama, proud father, dark angel, black knight..."

quirks make the world go round (at least in my head)

2008-10-16T14:43:00.004-04:00

after running into janelle (one of my fam from hampton) on our alumni site, i went through the new process - friend requests on myspace & facebook, posting that first wall-to-wall comment and checking out and then subscribing to her blog (refuge of a butterfly). as suspected, reading her backposts shamed me for not writing more regularly, but that's a story for another time.

a few days ago, i received my ROAB subscription and was promptly TAGGED!

the rules are:

Link back to the person who tagged you
Mention the rules on your blog
Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
Tag 6 following bloggers by linking to them
Leave a comment on each of the tagged bloggers blogs letting them know they've been tagged

so, here it goes.
here are some of my quirks. if you know me well, you know that i have no problems sharing quirks but i will have difficulty limiting myself, lol.

My 6 Quirks

I only write in black, medium point pen. I cannot do blue of any point or black fine (my handwriting looks spidery to me. ugh) and I only use red when I'm editing my unit's work. I know that they hate my red pen because on more than one occasion, it's gone missing. hmmm.

i share a quirk with janelle. i too pack my groceries into a tight rectangle on the conveyor belt at the grocery store BUT i group the groceries the way I'd pack them. for instance, all boxes first, cans next, bottles follow, bags next, then vegetables, dairy and finally meats. AND i prefer to pack my own groceries. i distribute multiples of items to balance the bags.

i never take the first or last bite of anyone's food. i don't know. i just feel that you should get to taste your food before i do and you shold enjoy your last. it's a respect thing for me and by no means do i mean to imply that i think i'm about to be poisoned, lol.

when i buy cds and movies (yes, i still buy them occasionally and i guess that could be considered a quirk nowadays), i prefer to open them when i watch them. my bf just rips all of them open as soon as we get home, leaving pieces of tape and sales stickers on and that drives me crazy! i open them neatly and take my time to peel the security tape off, kinda like how i unwrap gifts. i know that i try to find pretty paper and use that satin scotch tape (it's the BEST!) so my gifts always come out looking professional. i would hate to see my present ripped open all savage-like so i open mine as gently as i would want my gifts to be opened.

i do not like for someone else to read my magazines or books before i do. when i get my monthly subscription to essence (or the now-defunct honey & suede), i like to luxuriate. i get cozy on my couch with a drink and i peruse the pages leisurely. my son knows that this is mommy time and usually gets into whichever new comic book he has earned. i also can't stand when the mailperson bends up my magazine and tries to stuff it into the mail slot instead of opening the mailbox. i've been known to go out and buy another copy from the newstand.

and i do not eat watermelon. ever since i was little, it just felt wrong to me and when i was older and finally realized what those old loony tunes cartoons meant, it just confirmed what i felt. i can't do watermelon. no watermelon slices or chunks in august, no watermelon jolly ranchers when i was in junior h.s., and no watermelon martinis now that i'm grown.

now that i've shared some of my personal crazy, i want to hear yours. spill it!

pH, aja, insiah, ali, kenji, and finally janelle - you're it!

yes, i know that this is silly considering all that's going on in the world but we can still make time to smile.

2008-10-10T15:10:00.008-04:00

happy friday and all of that good ish. do i sound happy or what? lol. nah, i'm good, considering that this has been an extremely draining week. i would love to just curl up on my couch and only get up to get in my bed this weekend but the weather will be too beautiful to stay indoors. here are a few things that i remember.

join new yorkers in the know for food prepared by top chefs and drinks made by celebrity mix-masters (read: bartenders) at the new york city wine and food festival this weekend. this festival will also include "an all-you-can sip and eat grand tasting you need tickets); and tours, panels, how-tos (and tequila) throughout the meatpacking district (cheap and free). get hungry. and thirsty."

shecky's girls nite out is a shopping party at which you'll have access to "100 emerging designers on sale, sample new products and services, and sip complimentary cocktails".

if you decide to stay in, there's something for you too. everyone's fav undercover freak, zane, is premiering her sex chronicles on cinemax. tune in to see what some of her more popular characters are up to.

if you're up for shakin' your ass while you peruse the hot new fashions, meet me at frank white's party.

go check out some pop-art at the gallery at exotic homes & gardens in brooklyn. artist jean patrick icart-pierre will be showing some of his mixed media art from now through the end of the month. the name of the venue only has me peaked my curiosity.

i can't remember anything else going on which is a result of this stressful week so please share if you know of other fun places to go, people to see and things to do.

credit: daily candy, social diva, the minority report nyc

i heart...

2008-10-03T11:19:00.008-04:00

the daily show and the colbert report. i truly appreciate their sarcasm and wit, not to mention their intelligence. here's one of my favorite correspondents on the daily show, larry wilmore. since you're reading this, i can assume that i don't need to give disclaimers....do i?

but wait, it gets better. comedy central is getting blacker again (we still miss you, chappelle!).

chocolate news starring david alan grier premieres wednesday, october 15 at 10:30pm. you remember him from in living color (men on film, ceephus from ceephus & reecy) and boomerang? i tried to find a clip of him as maya angelou advertising froot loops, "those frooty loops of fruit", and butterfinger but all i could find was this guy in his head wrap (yes, it is a towel, lol).

final thought...i know we all know that this was satire but i hope some people don't actually believe this. obama for president!

sippin' on some...

2008-09-18T11:13:00.007-04:00

i'd like to believe that i'm this hip, young-at-heart, liberal, step ahead of the pack, cosmopolitan (ok, maybe metropolitan as of late), hip-hop/underground music lovin', rah-rah (when necessary) chick. but truth be told, i do have some traditional, conservative values and i do like to do some quiet, demure lady-like things - like going to tea. yes, i do love tea as much as i love the nutcrackers, lol. so imagine my surprise when one of my girls (thanks pH) forwarded an invite to me from not just tea. they will be having "an intimate tea talk and tasting session" as part of their autumn tea tasting series on sunday, september 21st., from 3 - 6 p.m. at

Design Schemes At Home
1360 Fulton Street
(btw New York and Brooklyn Avenues)
Brooklyn, NY 11216

this will literally be an opportunity to sip-n-chat. and while we're on the subject of tea, i've heard rumblings that the harlem tea room was closing and alas, it's true. the harlem tea room will be closing its doors on sunday, september 28th. so gather your girls, your mother and your aunties and have a tea party like you used to when you were little.

something to do...

2008-09-03T16:15:00.007-04:00

u.n.i.t.y.

i'm all about supporting my sistahs and if you're my fam, i know that you do too. so that being said, check out the reel sisters uptow n film festival on september 14th. for only $5. this all-day festival will feature short films created by sistahs. show your support. make it a girls' day out. bring your little cousin and show her that we can be more and do more than be eye candy in the background of some dude's video. we needn't wait until march to show sisterly love.

*******************************************************
Hello, baby, New York City girl/You grew up ridin' the subways/running with people/Up in Harlem, down on Broadway/You're no tramp, but you're no lady/talkin' that street talk You're the heart and soul of New York City

native new yorkers and transplants, 20at20 is providing a great opportunity to have a authentic NY experience- going to Broadway. well, ok. off-Broadway, lol. from september 2nd. to the 14th., you can see some great off-Broadway plays for only $20. who's going with me to see fela!?

showing bk love

2008-08-06T13:26:00.011-04:00

listening to that hump.

hey fam. it feels like days since i've sent out an email blast or blog. actually, it has been. (i think it's too late to post my opinion about the erykah badu concert at wingate. i'm pretty sure it's been covered too death. needless to say, i loved it.)

blame my job, which is a nexus of bureaucratic bullshit and non-profit scrambling. of course i could've done it from home but i prefer to reverse telecommute. it breaks up the monotony and helps me get through the day without going postal. i guess it helps that i'm the supervisor. anyway, since the tech at my job is cooperating today, i resumed my normal routine, browse my fave blog sites while drinking some bustelo. imagine my surprise when i stumbled across the rock the block event coming up this weekend. as most of you know that while i love brooklyn, i am a transplant. not from out of state - i'm from queens, the other end of linden blvd. anyway, i'm really looking forward to this event. it's being touted as a showcase for the emerging brooklyn renaissance.

also in brooklyn, ailey II will be performing at the prospect park bandshell on thursday, 8/7 at 8pm. i wanted to check that out because they are also offering free dance clasess before the performance but i may have to miss this because there will be a prince/stevie wonder tribute concert at marcus garvey park uptown from 7 to 8:30pm. the jungle brothers performed last night out in red hook but i still remember "straight outta brooklyn" so i didn't go, lol. did anyone go? what else is going on in nyc this week?

sorry for the glitch

i loves my people. god knows i do.

2008-08-04T11:15:00.006-04:00

good morning fam. i hope everyone enjoyed the weekend, especially you yvee. happy birthday again. i know the canal room was rocking. anyway, today presents another chance for us to sip-n-chat. erykah badu will be performing at wingate. i don't know who will be opening for her though. the show is supposed to start at 7:30 pm but anyone who has been to one of her shows knows that she will be "fashionably" late. don't you be though. people will probably be lining up to get in around 5/5:30 so be there EARLY or just read about it tomorrow on everyone's blog. speaking of which, wasn't last thursday fun? dwele performed at south street seaport as part of the KISS FM summer sizzle concert series. it was sad & funny that the crowd was really only interested in hearing his old stuff. chauncey black (blackstreet) was supposed to open for him. i forgot the name of the guy who actually did. his performance was ok but the crowd was too busy stylin' & profilin' to show him much love. i want to thank all of the old playas and some of the younger playas (who aren't so young anymore) for the hours of jokes you provided. i mean, c'mon dude, are you serious?! men over 50, almost old enough to be my father, wearing doo-rags & fitted baseball caps/kangos (i purposefully left off the "l" because theirs were not real kangols and they were Lame) with an oversized white tee (or worse, a fat albert or biggie tee) and shorts that are really ankle-length kulotts, rockin' fuzzy cornrows OR their "classier" counterparts in the silky or linen pants suit with the dyed to match gators/open toed sandals and straw hats over ice t hard presses. seriously?! dude SERIOUSLY?!? one of my friends queried if they had seen "black in america" and still decided to wear whatever foolishness they had on. (kudos to all my brothas who kept it - i hate to say it - grown & sexy. you know the ones that came straight from work with their summer suits and briefcases and their...wait, another story, another time.) but the men were not alone in the nonsense but i have made a conscientious decision not to comment on the women...today, lol. anyway, foolishness aside, red alert had the crowd dancing and singing along and all in all, it felt good to see black folk smiling. i hope to see more of that today at wingate. see you there.

this is what really grinds my gears

2008-07-16T11:18:00.004-04:00

no idea's original, there's nothing new under the sun

it's never what you do, but how's it's done

- nas "no idea's original" from the lost tapes

maybe it's me because i'm still kinda new to this blogging thing but it irks the hell outta me to see a damn near plagarization of my words relatively near my original words with no reference to my words, no shout-outs, no nothing. i mean, damn. can a sista get some love? i understand how easily accessible anyone's random thoughts are nowadays with every tinitra, dylan and asha having a blog. and while i'm not expecting to see my name in the footnotes, it would be nice if someone credits you in some way if they are going to "expand" upon your thoughts. it's only right. usually, you'll see "re: so-so" in a comment thread so you know that someone is responding to someone else's comments before them. it's keeps things in perspective, especially if someone goes off on a tangent somewhere along the way. but it also furthers the conversation into an area that the original author may not have thought of. so, while "no idea's original, there's nothing new under the sun", i really don't want to see my words re-arranged and re-posted by someone else (on the same site no less!!!)

ok, now that i've gotten that outta my system, stay tuned for some more things that "really grind my gears".

i think very deeply

2008-07-10T10:48:00.008-04:00

hey fam. i've been writing a lot, just not here, lol. my bad. in any event, in between my original posts, i will posts links to some of my favorite blogs by other people where i usually comment. i'm not being lazy. sometimes, great minds think alike and it makes no sense to repeat topics. that being said, here is some of my personal favs.

an excerpt from my response to Wine...in a cup - it would be nice if we knew that there was a magic age at which we'd figure everything out but that would make life a race to that age and you'd miss out on the fun and important lessons along the way.

an excerpt from my response to jesse jackson's desire to "cut [obama's] nuts out - keep hope alive, jesse. your love child is calling you. a week after my comment, kenrya expanded upon my general gist and was a little nicer. sorry jesse, i'm still not feeling you.

an excerpt from my response to The "T" Word - and as for your aversion to therapy, you’ve already started so keep up the posts…and my bill’s in the mail, lol.

shout-outs to d from a belle in brooklyn and bundy and the rest of the parlour fam.

what are we celebrating?

2008-07-04T12:08:00.004-04:00

here's something to think about as you prepare to go to that 4th. of July bbq. let me know what you think.

Your high independence only reveals the immeasurable distance between us. The blessings in which you, this day, rejoice are not enjoyed in common. The rich inheritance of justice, liberty, prosperity, and independence bequeathed by your fathers is shared by you, not by me. The sunlight that brought light and healing to you has brought stripes and death to me. This Fourth of July is yours, not mine. You may rejoice, I must mourn. To drag a man in fetters into the grand illuminated temple of liberty, and call upon him to join you in joyous anthems, were inhuman mockery and sacrilegious irony. Do you mean, citizens, to mock me by asking me to speak today?...What, to the American slave, is your Fourth of July? I answer: a day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim. To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty, an unholy license; your national greatness, swelling vanity; your sounds of rejoicing are empty and heartless; your denunciation of tyrants, brass-fronted impudence; your shouts of liberty and equality, hollow mockery; your prayers and hymns, your sermons and thanksgivings, with all your religious parade and solemnity, are, to Him, mere bombast, fraud, deception, impiety, and hypocrisy-a thin veil to cover up crimes which would disgrace a nation of savages. There is not a nation of savages. There is not a nation on the earth guilty of practices more shocking and bloody than are the people of the United States, at this very hour.
- an excerpt from a speech given by Frederick Douglass on July 4, 1852

r. kelly acquittal discussion continues

2008-06-14T22:19:00.004-04:00

my girl: i hear you Riley!!!!! i didn't get to hear Wendy Williams today but i bet it sound like your commentary.

the funny thing is that he is not ALLEGEDLY the 1st nor the last celebrity to sleep with a minor. the only reason why it will not be publicize is because no one is going to tape themselves doing it. sorry but i am a Kelly fan when it comes to his music. i dont condone anyone who hurts children in anyway shape or form. IF he indeed has a problem, i hope that he gets help for it.

only R.Kelly and the HIGHER BEING knows what really happened.

so do you think Michael Jackson should have gone to jail? how about O.J.? Kobe?

me: m.j., yes. o.j., yes. kobe, i don't know. rape cases are very iffy, especially when it supposedly started out consensual. only the people involved know if one of the parties said stop. when you take race and which side society thinks i should pick because of my race out of the equation, it gets a little clearer. the o.j. case was only as big as it was because he was a high-profile black athlete married to a white woman. society would've united quicker and then lost interest faster if his wife was black. (sidenote: some small part of every black person rejoiced when o.j. got off, not because murder should be celebrated but because it was the first time people could remember a black man beating the system at its own game. add the whole dynamics of some black men subconsciously choosing to be with white women as some kind of payback and it made the situation even more bittersweet.) the whole m.j. thing is always a hot discussion because not only does it involves a global superstar that happens to be black but it also involves little boys, most of which are white. white america could care less who r. kelly is peeing on, as long as it's not some white chick. the only reason they paid attention now is to see how black america responded. so the next time black america is calling for justice for some atrocity, best believe they are gonna play the race card before we do.

the difference to me between the r. kelly case and the o.j. case, besides the fact that r. kelly didn't kill anyone, is the race of the victim. if people still want to look at r. kelly's case as another example of a black man getting off, consider the victim was a 14 year old black girl. that makes all the difference to me.

r. kelly acquitted on all charges when i wish that he really was trapped in a closet

2008-06-13T19:51:00.005-04:00

i awoke from a nap to find this in my mailbox - Jury acquits R. Kelly of all counts - Yahoo! News WTF is wrong with people?! of course, this begged for discussion.

my girl : i told you Chicago loves R. Kelly to much to see him go down. i cant wait to see the Boondocks do a skit on the trial! R.Kelly is probably about to make the best music of his life now. i am not gonna front, it would have been horrible to see him have to go to jail.

me (typed with disgust): his ass needs to go to jail. he needed counseling for the act itself (and all the other examples of his deviancy - marrying aaliyah, all the innuendo about sex with little girls in his songs and allegedly trying to pin it on his brother) but he needs to be in jail for the blatant lying. everyone's expecting him to come out with the next i believe i can fly and that negro is gonna go right back to trapped in the closet. if this was a priest, would black people actually be protesting for his acquittal with their only justification being that he can make a hit record?! please! when it comes down to it, he just made songs that i could shake my ass too...and i stopped listening/supporting anything r. kelly a long time ago.

aaron mcgruder called it and while i laughed and shook my head then, somewhere deep down inside, i knew that it could happen. i just hoped and prayed that people recognized their foolishness in time and called it as it was. but no. black people rallied around an unworthy cause again...just when i thought that things were changing for the better. damn.

guess who's back...

2008-03-25T23:37:00.008-04:00

it's been a long time, i shouldn't left you
without a strong rhyme to step to...

hey y'all. i know, i know. it's been over a month since my last post and let's face it, that was verging on lady sings the blues. sorry. all i can give you is me - the good, the bad, the debaucherous, the sometimes sarcastic, ugly, manic and depressive. *shrug & sigh* expect a lot more posts soon.

anyway, spring is officially here and soon the weather will cooperate and we all know what that means...pretty dresses. flirty heels. sweet candy-colored lip gloss. and more brunch options, lol. while we wait for the sex and the city movie, we can definitely increase our girls' time. i love my girls, god knows i do, but i really wasn't trying to leave the comfort of my bed when it was brick out. **ang, no APBs needed. pH & yvee, don't hate me. and elle, please don't revoke my card!** in an attempt to get back in my girls' good graces, here is an opportunity for us to sip and chat.

monday started brooklyn restaurant week. my aunt had to remind me. thanks aunt monica. luckily, after the lola dinner party, we still have the rest of the week to sip and chat at any of the 175 participating restaurants in brooklyn. so ladies, where are we going?

***aside: yes, i know my title's from one of scarface's hits and then i quoted rakim.***

peace poetry

2008-02-14T13:23:00.003-05:00

this is not how i'm feeling today but i wanted to post. let me know how i think.

They just don’t know…

after the last time I sat up all night
crying
wondering if
the last time I saw you
was
really
the last time

my friends confessed that they didn’t
know what I saw in you

them my girls and all
but I don’t tell them everything

like
how I can pick you outta a crowd during rush hour because your aura shines so bright to me
and how laughing at people’s everyday foolishness is one of our many guilty pleasures
and how you make my brain click on after having to dumb down so long
or how I feel like the Original Virgin when you move my hair outta my face
or how my body blooms when you call me baby in that…voice
or how your accents make me cream
or how the warmth of your chest against my back melts that cold wall I put up some times

no
didn’t tell them any of that
they wouldn’t understand those things
those things that we do in the privacy of our togetherness

I don’t complain a lot
or even go into detail about our stuff
They just see my you-induced highs and lows
and being the good girlfriends they are
I guess they assume
that my tears are hurt tears – “he done her wrong” tears
when in fact
they’re just sad tears
tears of uncertainty
from wishing you’d come back to me

excerpt from a short story...

2008-02-07T15:31:00.000-05:00

Nina Williams

Every block has one – a fast girl, and the one on my block was named Nina Williams. Nina was the subject of wet dreams and wagging tongues. Oh, how they talked about her! Whispered rumors blew hot and fast (no pun intended) over well-manicured lawns and hedges as soon as Nina stepped out of her house. It didn’t help matters that she preferred walking down the middle of the block, strutting on her own private runway. And the walk…grown folks stopped in their tracks, mid-whisper, to watch that walk. Even with her hair in an “onion”, a pinched ponytail – just enough hair to snatch back, and her generic dirty sneakers, Nina’s walk said that she was grown and ready for whatever.

Every time I saw her, I wondered in amazement. I mean, she wasn’t that pretty. In fact, she was kinda plain - light brown with cinnamon freckles sprinkled across her nose and onto her cheeks, average height, slim, almost flat-chested, average size butt that sat up high, and a smile that reminded me of the Grinch. Every time someone called to her when she walked by, Nina would poke out her lips at them in a silent hello. Like, “I’m too cool and too grown to offer you kids words!” What made her so cool? What did she do so bad that the adults talked about her? Where was she always going? I had no idea but I was intrigued.

am i blue?

2008-02-05T13:25:00.000-05:00

nyc is all abuzz, what between the parade for the giants and democratic primaries. it's warm for february and overcast. and everyone's smiling for some reason or another today. except me. lately, i've been feeling...well, melancholy. just about everything is a fuzzy shade of grey for me. i'm not feeling myself. not that i feel ill. i mean, that i am not feeling myself. yesterday on the way home from work, when i looked at my reflection in the train window, i saw a sad kid. i don't feel fierce. or flyy. or sexy. i don't even feel grown, which is a feat considering all of the adult issues i'm facing.

side note: i was somewhat disappointed when i went to vote today. this was a historic moment. it should have been less anti-climatic. i mean, i didn't expect confetti and horns but was it wrong of me to expect the people working at the polls to be polite? there was no line at my polling site at the senior's center on new york ave and pacific st. but i still had to wait for these older women to finish their conversation before they directed me to the next station, at which i had to endure a second-hand scolding. this lady five to ten years older than me was being given a stern talking-to by a mature, "cultured" looking woman around my mom's age. whatever it was about could have waited until there was no-one else at the table but i got the impression that ms. lady wanted a show. needless to say, my "excuse me" was greeted by a frosty stare followed by a flung hand, indicating that i should go "over there". the two redeeming moments happened right at the actual booth - the security guard, a 30 something year old latino man, wished me luck and after i had flipped my switches and pulled the lever, the cutest old lady that i've seen in a while, clapped for me, like i was the first negro woman to vote...ever. sometimes, a lot of times, i question people's sincerity but this was not one of them. granma had pride in her eyes. and that sweeten the whole bittersweet experience.

anyway, my bf buddha has responded lovingly and supportively with hugs & kisses and reassurances that i am indeed beautiful and sexy and that i will pull myself out of this funk. i know i will. after all, i am peaches' daughter. but right now, it seems hard. my snickers hasn't satisfied me. maybe i need another hug...and a glass of riesling. or maybe i just need to watch the color purple and get my cry over and done with.

I WANT TO SEE THIS!!!

2008-02-03T19:35:00.000-05:00

you know it's serious because i used caps! it's 4th. down, 1:54 left in the 1st. half of the superbowl and so far, for me, the best part has been the commercials, which have been ok. just ok, except the preview for wanted. wanted stars everyone's crush, angelina joile; morgan freeman!!!; james mcavoy from the last king of scotland; and dude i look for everytime get off the train at lafayette - my man and yours - common!!!! i have a whole lot to say but i'm missing the game. just let me know who's going with me on opening night.

oh schadenfreude, sweet joy!

2008-01-18T15:40:00.000-05:00

even though the muslim ninja jews get on my nerves, this was refreshing. i can only take them in small doses but i haven't seen them in a while so i was able to enjoy this. what possessed homegirl to stop to listen to them, much less, to try to engage them in a debate?

proof positive that some people enjoy the fire.

like most bleeding heart, liberal white folk, she must have craved absolution through pain of torture. that's why they'll sit in the front row at def comedy jam (or worse, comic view, ugh!). that's why they volunteer for two tours with peace corps in africa or south america instead of participating in local grassroots organizations to help the poor people they pass daily on 125th. st. that's a whole 'nother conversation but back to her...i almost feel sorry for her.

by the way, thank you nOvaSlim for putting me on to schadenfreude and urban dictionary.

arguing with fools

2008-01-18T12:00:00.000-05:00

forwarded to me by my girl pH:

An adminstrator friend in the Multicultural Dept. of Niagara U went to Urban Dictionary and found the rumor to be a hoax. Here is the deal: Black people don't often define street terms online. They are far too regional and outdate too fast. I know some people do it, but who do you believe?????????

Soulja Boy Debunks "Superman Dat Hoe" Rumors
November 15th, 2007 Author: Anthony Springer Jr
In the midst of controversy surrounding an internet rumor, Soulja Boy—the teenaged chart topping rapper who struck gold with the infectious single "Crank Dat"—recently spoke with BET.com to clarify the meaning of the dance that took him from obscurity to stardom.
"Superman is just a dance," he says in response to the speculation. "I heard about the e-mails going around and…basically, they trying to just stop my shine."
Several weeks ago, the Internet was goin nuts (© Paul Wall) over an alleged hidden meaning behind "Crank Dat" and it's song lyrics. In the ring tone hit, Soulja Boy encourages people doing the dance to "Superman dat ho," a line some believe has sexual connotations.
Urban Dictionary's website defines the term as the following: "when you ejaculate on a girls back then put a blanket on her so when she stands up the blanket sticks
therefore making her look like she has a cape." Not only does the 17-year-old
rapper deny the Internet definition, he says the haters are too late, as the
dance is old news. "'Superman,' 'Crank That' [is] old. You can tell whoever
wrote that was intending to stop my shine. The way they wrote words…it was
professionally typed. Ain't nobody doing nothing like that. At the end of the
day, they just came too late with the rumor." While the song is still remains in
the top ten on the charts, Soulja Boy is busy promoting his second single, the
I-15 featured "Soulja Girl". "We're on to 'Soulja Girl.' We're on to the
second single. [Crank Dat] is slowly fading away. You tried, but it's too
late."
Soulja Boy is also garnering praise from some of Hip Hop's elite. In the
latest issue of XXL magazine, Scarface lauds Mr. Collipark's latest find for his
success with younger audiences and his marketing savvy. "I can't say nothin'
bad about his music, 'cause the kids like it," the Houston vet remarked.
"My daughter thinks he's the best rapper in the world. My kids don't like my
shit, so that tells you something right there. Tell that dude to call me. He
could do my MySpace page, 'cause I need one. I want that little dude to blow me
up on MySpace like he blew up. I'm being real as fuck. He got that MySpace shit
goin' nuts."

i have so much to say about that that i don't even know where to start. first of all, urban dictionary is a website where anyone can post definitions of known words and phrases or their own made-up words and phrases. it is not merriam-webster. that being said, was the definition created before dude came out with the song? was it a local joke that made it to the internet months, maybe years later and it coincided with the song? what came first - the stupid ass song or the nasty definition which i find funny and not because of its crudeness. ok maybe because of its crudeness. but that shit is hilarious to me.

now, i have always thought that white boys have a knack for naming sexual terms and creating terminology for outlandish things that may not even be doable in real life, thus part of the joke (see facial, dirty sanchez, dirty elvis, spidermanin', cleveland steamer, cincinatti bowtie, birmingham booty call, rusty trombone, donkey punch, etc. the list goes on and on). the other part of the joke lies in the fact that they usually come up with some well thought out term. points for creativity. now i know that no-one even said that a white boy made up or even posted the definition in debate but if you read any of the terms with sexually explicit definitions, images of stereotypical, crazy white boys come to mind - think animal house, van wilder, superbad, etc.

secondly, did anyone catch souljah boy's defense? "The way they wrote words…it was professionally typed. Ain't nobody doing nothing like that." by professionally typed, he means that the words were spelled right and if you've heard his "music" you know that he did not/could not have posted that definition. and aren't we talking about something that's online? of course it was typed but professional? i doubt that. and as for the poster trying to "take his shine", could the debated definition really cause any more damage than the original song? whether "supermanin' a hoe" is what the definition says or something else, i mean, c'mon, you're doing something to a hoe and as an advocate, i CANNOT abide by anything being done to hoes.

afterthought: would someone please help scarface with his myspace page. i mean, damn, dude is historic, figuratively and literally. almost everything online is idiot-proof. excuses for being a techno-tard are no longer accepted. and isn't it sad that his own kids don't know good music?! worst yet, mr. springer seems to think that scarface endorsed souljah boy. didn't he just say that he couldn't say anything bad about him. i think that falls into the "if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all" category.

manic monday...the extended remix

2008-01-16T11:10:00.001-05:00

hey y'all. i know that i was gonna try to post something every other day but things have been kinda hectic at my clark kent job. ok, maybe that's not fair. i love helping people help themselves but i hate dealing with all of the b.s. bureaucratic tape, trying to access services that in theory are supposed to help those in need but in fact, just fucks them up even more. but let me not preach. i just need to breathe.

relax, relate, release...one of my girls put me onto to this hot spot in brooklyn - body by brooklyn spa and lounge. you may have heard about it already, and if you have, i'm mad at you for not sharing! their motto is "massage & martini". so when you explore this site, make sure you have a sip with you. wear something soft and comfortable and luxuriate in the experience (imagine how much better it would be at the spa!). go through it thoroughly and let it sink in. i'm definitely with it. who's down?!

while i'm thinking about luxuriating, let me share another spot - the polish bar of brooklyn. polish, as in let me get my nails done, not the big lebowski or the wachowski brothers. while a mani/pedi costs a little more than at your local spot, i'm pretty sure the experience will be less harrowing - you won't have to fight for nexts, you won't have to deal with hoodrats yelling at your korean nail technician like the higher volume will make them understand that yes, she does want her name, glitter and a swirl design on each finger & toe. and you won't have to decline the bootleg parade. (side note: when has it become alright to buy colored contacts from some random dude? it's not a fake louis vuitton, that shit's supposed to go into your eye!) anyway, i digress...like most spas are doing now, the polish bar has all sorts of polish parties. they even have a manicure and martini party. hmmm, that seems to be a recurring idea. i think i'll have a martini when i get home. cheers!

p.s. i promised myself that i would spend more time taking care of myself so i'll be going to one or both of these spots soon. hit me if you're interested. let's make it a family affair. oh yeah, if you can recommend any other places, please share.

the countdown has begun

2008-01-07T12:09:00.000-05:00

ok, who did not indulge in the foolishness that is the "i love ny" reunion show? shaking my head. i have no words. i laughed (at it and his french fries) and laughed (at the entertainer and his mess - he needs his own show) and laughed some more (as tailor made almost caught it onstage - who ever said that white men can't jump?!) and then as it ended, it hit me. i've seen the impact that ticking clock has had on some of my girls, whether it's the maternal clock or the wedding clock. but i never thought that i'd be one of those women that were affected by seeing another woman getting married (or engaged, in this case). let me tell you, before the credits were rolling i was feeling crazy. to cut to the chase, i was hatin'...on a fictional character! <cue wendy's dramatic music>

no, i was not hatin' on tiffani aka ny because she was about asphyxiate herself with her implants. nor was i hatin' on her ability to resort to childish behavior like showing her ass (literally!!!) whenever she heard someting she didn't like. yes, yes. i know that the whole show is staged; that most of the contestants are actors or wannabes. but truth be told, as sad it sounds, i heard my ego say, "why not me?" chalk it up to my approaching birthday. i mean, 30 something is a major deal. maybe it's because it's the beginning of the year and i'm thinking about what it could hold. or maybe i'm just PMSin', i dunno. i need to work this out or else i'm gonna be tearing up at the pampers cruisers and the kay jewelers commercials. as my girl pH would say, "lawd, hold my mule!"

eat it up...

2008-01-06T13:28:00.000-05:00

what's up fam? so far, 2008 is starting off on a good note. i am making steps towards plans i had drafted last year. after being in a somewhat self-imposed seclusion, i promised myself to get out more, socialize and network more - just do more than go to work and come home. for those of us in the social services field or any other low paying field, money can be really tight, limiting our activities in one of the most exiciting cities in the world so we have to keep our eyes open. here is a great example of something to do on a budget - nyc restaurant week winter 2008. make your reservations early and give them feedback. maybe next time they'll add caribbean and southern/soul food to the list of cuisines.

cute party dresses

2008-01-05T12:53:00.000-05:00

hey y'all. you know i'm always window shopping online and i'm always coming across inexpensive clothing sites. alas, most of them do not have clothes that fit me and the girls so i'll pass them along to you. here are some of my picks from lulu's fashion lounge. any one of these dresses would be perfect for an event coming up on or near 1/26 (**inner circle, look out for the e-vite**). hit me for more details.

welcome 2008

2008-01-01T19:27:00.000-05:00

happy new year and all that jazz. this won't be long at all. i'm still recuperating, and not just from last night's festivities. tryna get out of 2007 was like being in labor with a stubborn baby. it just would not come fast enough. so after a lot of scratchin' and survivin', 2008 is finally here. whew! i'm tired. i'm about to take a disco nap. check ya later!

p.s. mind baby new year's ears!

surviving the holidaze...

2007-12-29T17:36:00.000-05:00

i had every plan to post an entry every day. ok, well at least 3 times a week, but i got caught up in the holidaze. let me tell you, sometimes, ignorance is bliss. i know all about seasonal depression or not even to get that deep, dreading all that family time; sidestepping tourists on the train; dodging pushy old ladies tryna get that latest new fill-in-the-blank on sale; or lamenting how the holiday break used to seem like a month of fun instead of a few days of cramming work in between crazed shopping.

so, knowing all of that, i tried to deal, tried to cope with it in my own way. since my son was going to be with his dad for christmas, i had planned to lay up with my bf and hibernate until the NYE festivities. but no. life doesn't work that way. so i had to run out and get some last minute gifts so i wouldn't show up empty-handed to the family dinner and be talked about all night through to the next family function. then i had to rush home and start preparing my dish for the dinner. now, those of you who really know me, know i get down with my mac-n-cheese (bet you thought that i'd link my recipe - hahaha sucka! lmao). but i was so not in the mood so unless someone else in my family got that glow, there'd be no mac-n-cheese for dinner. instead, i opted to try something quick and easy - sweet potato casserole.

after one missed train, a quick LIRR trip from Nostrand Ave. out to Queens Village and then a 5 minute cab ride across the county line to my aunt's house, i figured i'd have some time to sit back. wrong!, wrong! i have to admit, it was mostly my doing. after all, i am the accommodator so i jumped into character. "smiles, everyone, smiles". overall, dinner went really well. i wish i could say that everyone was on their best behavior but then, it wouldn't have been my family and it wouldn't have been funny. man listen, everyone was in rare form - jokes galore. there was talk of bambu paper, strawberry daiquiri bartles & james and falling down stairs. peaches didn't threaten to punch anyone in the throat but she did yoke up one of the twins (talk and tackle/mutt & jeff). damage loudly confirmed "H.I. McDunnough, you ARE the baby's father!" and talk struck his power pose in every picture. (the twins, forever known as talk and tackle, are now 6). this may sound horribly low-class and niggery (from my personal dictionary, and self-explanatory) but the fact that my family has finally balanced being bourgie and ghetto makes the whole scene funny. i love my family, god knows i do, but some times, even when they're funny, i gotta love them from a distance...i couldn't wait to get back to my bed in brooklyn.

well, there's still some time before the NYE fesivities and until then, I will sip on my coquito (thanks dizzle) and continue to survive the holidaze.

2008, i'm ready for you!

allow me to re-introduce myself

2007-12-23T15:19:00.000-05:00

hey y'all. my name is asha, pronounced like tasha without the "t". i'm from queens (by ways of panama, jamaica and barbados) but i live in brooklyn now. i'm definitely my mother's daughter (you'll read a lot about peaches later), a mother, a sister, an intense lover and a great friend. a novelist in the making/poet, an eternal student and teacher, a dancer, chocolate lover, and lover of music - 90s hip-hop, house music - not club, all of the native tongue and soulquarians crews and all of their influences in particular. while most think i am very middle of the road and "wheatbread", i love extremes but please don't call me a drama queen. i'm in my "dirty 30s" but most times, i don't feel like an adult at all.

HUD crew, i told you this was coming! lol

now, unlike my younger self, i will not indulge in TMI right away. i've learned to pace myself...ok, well i try. i'll start by giving the newbies a heads-up.

for those of you who don't really know me, i'm the incidental zagats among my family and friends. "hey ash, where should we go to eat after seeing a musical? and by the way, can you recommend a good one that even a hater of musicals will like?" "what should i get for my son's stepmother for christmas? i really appreciate how she treats my son and i feel sorry for her since she's still with his father (ugh)."

after subscribing to various random clothing, lifestyle, and entertainment sites, i love sorting through them to cull my fav lists. and if you really know me, you know how i am with lists. (see High Fidelity)

i'm also the resident counselor, advisor and confidante. before i started my love affair with my Sidekick and texting, it wasn't unusual for me to get calls at all hours of the night. "asha! you awake?! i just saw charlene's man with tami! they're sitting in the booth next to me. should i let tami know that i see them? should i call charlene?" "hen, i just found out that my girlfriend is pregnant but i was just gonna break up with her. what should i do?" "my boyfriend said he is gonna give me a dirty lawnchair. can he get it at target?" that being said, while this blog will include some of my random thoughts, bits of advice, and rants, i will also include some of my favorite people, places and things. welcome to my circle!

please allow me to introduce myself...

2007-11-19T16:53:00.001-05:00

well, i'm not off to a good start. i have several posts to put up but alas, i am not feeling well. maybe i'll feel up to it after i dose up and get a little sleep. anyway, thank you for visiting and i hope to have something up soon.

blogger on the go

2007-11-14T11:17:00.000-05:00

K.I.M...keep it movin'