Tuesday, February 5, 2008

am i blue?

nyc is all abuzz, what between the parade for the giants and democratic primaries. it's warm for february and overcast. and everyone's smiling for some reason or another today. except me. lately, i've been feeling...well, melancholy. just about everything is a fuzzy shade of grey for me. i'm not feeling myself. not that i feel ill. i mean, that i am not feeling myself. yesterday on the way home from work, when i looked at my reflection in the train window, i saw a sad kid. i don't feel fierce. or flyy. or sexy. i don't even feel grown, which is a feat considering all of the adult issues i'm facing.

side note: i was somewhat disappointed when i went to vote today. this was a historic moment. it should have been less anti-climatic. i mean, i didn't expect confetti and horns but was it wrong of me to expect the people working at the polls to be polite? there was no line at my polling site at the senior's center on new york ave and pacific st. but i still had to wait for these older women to finish their conversation before they directed me to the next station, at which i had to endure a second-hand scolding. this lady five to ten years older than me was being given a stern talking-to by a mature, "cultured" looking woman around my mom's age. whatever it was about could have waited until there was no-one else at the table but i got the impression that ms. lady wanted a show. needless to say, my "excuse me" was greeted by a frosty stare followed by a flung hand, indicating that i should go "over there". the two redeeming moments happened right at the actual booth - the security guard, a 30 something year old latino man, wished me luck and after i had flipped my switches and pulled the lever, the cutest old lady that i've seen in a while, clapped for me, like i was the first negro woman to vote...ever. sometimes, a lot of times, i question people's sincerity but this was not one of them. granma had pride in her eyes. and that sweeten the whole bittersweet experience.

anyway, my bf buddha has responded lovingly and supportively with hugs & kisses and reassurances that i am indeed beautiful and sexy and that i will pull myself out of this funk. i know i will. after all, i am peaches' daughter. but right now, it seems hard. my snickers hasn't satisfied me. maybe i need another hug...and a glass of riesling. or maybe i just need to watch the color purple and get my cry over and done with.

4 comments:

VOD said...

I've been there many times. If this has lasted a while, I think you know what to do. Holla at me anytime.

As for the voting, I did not vote in the primaries because although I'm registered to vote, I elected not to register under a specific part because I wanted to have the freedom to vote for whoever I want in any general elections. However, I'm hoping that Barack wins the Democratic ticket. I kinda wanted Ron Paul for the Republican ticket but he probably won't win.

asha said...

thanks sis. i think it's part seasonal and part realization that i just turned 35 and i'm not where i wanted to be at this age, sprinkled with stress and dissatifaction with parts of my job and a lil pre-pms. i'll be fine.

GFHH said...

I almost went through a similar thing whan I went to vote on tuesday. Older woman seemed more into their side conversations than their job. So everything took longer than it needed to be. But it still didn't stop me from focusing on the main reason why I was there. But I feel you though.

Will said...

The blues is just the blues..... they come and go, and come again. But never lose sight that even above the greyest, thickest ceiling of clouds, the sun shines warmly, and brilliantly.