Friday, March 27, 2009

oh no he didn't!

i really shouldn't admit to this but i log into my e-mail and onto facebook as soon as i get to work. the mobile version is good when i'm on the go but if i have access to a full screen, i want the full-on experience, even if i'm at work. yeah, i know, trifling. i have a set list of sites and blogs that i read as i sip my morning bustelo. yesterday, i hadn't even gotten to said list because a headline on facebook grabbed my attention. it read, "if you're a big girl, changes are you're a slut!" WTF?! no, but seriously, WTF?!?! i immediately raced to parlour magazine's site and didn't even bother continue reading on facebook. my government is on facebook and i wasn't sure if i would mind my manners when i commented.

"...Fat girls’ self-esteem is so low that 99% of them will let a dude go raw, take it in every hole and not complain too much cause they don’t want to lose who they think is their man.”

“Fat girls have nothing to loose. They want the attention of a man bad enough that they will sell themselves short.”

"...I think all women are nasty. Especially fat ones. They are all sluts.”

wow. WOW! check out the whole article here. the author, the single girl, seems to be agasp too but it led her to dig deeper. now i understand that topics are posted to generate discussion but i was so taken aback that i had to catch my breath. if you know me, you know that i am not a small woman by any means. i am about 5'7"/5'8" which is a little above average and buxom to say the least. i've been called thick, full-bodied, "big gal", voluptuous and "brickhouse". i'm pretty sure there were more names but i usually leave 'em floating on the wind while i keep it moving. although most of my friends don't consider me a bbw, i am also not a size 10. i'm somewhere comfortably in between at a size 14/16. comfortable for me, most days. but i always rep for the big girls so after i gathered my wits and calmed down, i responded.

"...yeah, i’ve heard this before. just like i heard this about dark-skin
girls. or girls without daddies. or girls who feel they have too much or too
little of whatever. women with low self-esteem will accept all kinds of trifling
behavior. the thing is all plus sized women do not have low self-esteem.
however, society tries to get women to believe that they should feel bad about
themselves if they are not a size 6. just like you should feel bad if you can’t
be described as honey brown or didn’t grow up with your father or live in the
hood (like any of these things are your fault). and even when we know better,
that concept gets perpetuated in how we interact with each other. that
dark-skinned, chubby girl named shaqueda gets treated like a statistic, even
before she makes the mistakes that lead to high-risk status.

you questioned whether a woman’s weight was related to her feelings of self-value. well, of course it is but it’s not the same for everyone. i don’t know about you but if
i’m not feeling how i look, i’m not really in the mood to be touched. and not
everyone overeats when they’re feeling depressed or whatever. some don’t eat at
all. so, are there conversations going on about slutty anoxeric women?! the
whole conversation just reeks of misogyny. (sidenote: some gay men are more
misogynistic than straight men…out of envy, i think. i would take everything he
said about women with a grain of salt.) if the roommate was slim, would the
slutty behavior still be such a problem? weight is just another excuse to treat
women poorly."

so much more needs to be said but i didn't want to blog in someone else's shit so i brought it here to TGOTG. what say you?

thanks: parlour magazine


Ms. Aja B. said...

I am so glad you brought this article to my attention. I just left my own comment over there, but it makes me SO MAD. Especially coming from a gay man. How dare he stereotype all plus size women. If it was the other way around, he'd be calling people homophobic.

The problem is that plus size women have very little regard in society. They take women like Queen Latifah and Jill Scott as the exception rather than the rule.

Admittedly, there are plenty of plus size women who do NOT make it easy for the rest of us. But it makes me sad that he would be ignorant enough to allow his one encounter to cloud his opinion without his even caring to want to prove his calculation wrong.

Janelle said...

Okay initially I didn't go to the site to read the comment but I must admit when I first read the quotes I thought "this is a gay man with coochie envy who wrote this". That much hate and venom comes from a place of jealousy and envy. However, so I wouldn't be stereotypical and judgemental I went and read the article on parlour's site. Now while dude's roomate may be a hot slut that doesn't mean that all women of her stature are the same way. This just goes to show that ignorance has knows no race, creed, color or sexual orientation. And as far as single girl's research, I love how the quotes are strung together to create a story. If you put enough dots throughout what I just wrote you can say that I said I....hate...coochie...and...I may be a hot slut. Ignorance is all around us. Like Lawrence Fishbourned said at the end of School Daze we need to WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKE UP!!!!

VOD said...


What the hell?

Ms. Aja B said it all. No need to repeat.

Midwife72 said...

What a great response!!!! Keep 'em coming!