take a page from my book

breathe in...breathe out.  Ok, I've been meaning to post. Believe me, I've had a lot to share and it usually winds up in the back of my notebook or on my cell phone using a notepad app, as of late.  There's been so much going on and when I've finally been able to check in on my family and friends, I'm saddened to find out that so many of us are going through similar things, suffering in relative silence.  So, in a healthy compromise, I will be sharing more, starting with all the bits and scraps of stories, poems and random thoughts floating at the bottom of my runaway bag aka my purse.  Some of what I share will be autobiographical, some fiction - a little of my story and some of my family and friend's but it will all be relateable because it's a little of me and a little of you. Please leave comments.  I need the feedback. And if you have a story to share and you don't want to leave it in the comments, email me directly at all.lush.everything@gmail.com. So without further ado, here's an excerpt:

No matter how many different ways she added it up, she wasn't going to be able to pay all of her bills this month. Her head throbbed and the back of her neck felt hot but she was used to it by now. Just like she was used to making herself as small as possible to decrease the chances of getting touched by the rush hour crowd or having to ride from Queens to downtown Manhattan, ignoring the growing bulge in the pants of the man staring down into her dress. Candice figured out the minimum payment acceptable for the cable/internet bill. That had to stay on. But she was already on a payment plan for Con Ed after reniging on two previous plans. She had to pay that bill or else paying the cable and internet bill was useless. Her cell phone bill had to be paid because that's how most people contacted her, even though it was mostly for work. Then, there was her Metrocard and groceries and...Candice found herself swaying as the numbers and images of past due stamped bills swirled in her head. The last thing she thought as she crumpled to the sticky floor of the crowded train was, "I can't afford to miss work...I wonder if I can cash in some sick days...I hope I'm wearing panties"

As Candice came to, she smelled something familiar and comforting - florida water and...roses? Grandma? As her eyes started to open her eyes, she remembered. Her grandmother had passed away 3 years before. The memory made Candice want to just lie there in God knows what on the E train floor. "Miss, are you ok?" "Did she hit her head?" "G'dammit, now they gonna call the amberlamps and I'm gonna be late for work!" That bit of negrotude shook her out of her pity party long enough to make Candice sit up.